Cog: to be or not to be

I subscribe to library job postings. Because I love libraries so much (environment, mission, bookishness) that I want to be a librarian. Then I looked at the job description:

Library Assistant: Receive mail. Shelve books. Process patron requests. Process acquisitions.


Yes, there were benefits and a salary. Yes, I think I could do the job, and well. However, I got a temp job when I was unemployed. Data entry. For 8 hours. And I didn’t really take a break because I needed the money desperately. I got fired.

The library job necessitates being in a certain place in a certain time. My job now says be where ever you need to be, make money. I need flexibility, room for my other passions.

The only thing good about that job would be the stability, constant paycheck, and a lovely non-confrontational working environment. I wouldn’t have to fight or feel rejected when some idiot doesn’t go with my recommendation.

I’m all about learning right now. Every personality test I’ve taken, (and I’ve taken a LOT) says don’t do sales, it’ll stress you out. But I’m (mostly) not horrible at it. I’m learning so much about stuff I’d never thought I’d have to know and meeting people I never thought I’d spend any time with.

I’m afraid that if I took this job, I’d stop growing and challenging myself. I’ve had jobs in the past that I didn’t see any opportunity for growth. Maybe that’s just where I was then mentally.

Maybe it’s because this job that I have now is like getting a chemical peel every single day. It hurts a LOT and I feel like it’s changing me and it’s hard to focus, but I’m scouring away less useful stuff to learn what I can stand up to and adapt to.


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