How Not to Run a Half Marathon

Training:
-Do really well training for 2 and a half months
-Stop doing anything physical and restrict yourself to a couch for 3 weeks
-Get stressed out and regress to eating crap for a week before the race
-Get stressed out and drink three beers in the middle of the afternoon the day before the race, go home and eat crap
-Sleep only a few hours

Race Day:
-Eat a piece of bread and no protein
-Don’t read the race directions to find out that you’ve instructed the taxi driver to take the road that was shut down for the race.
-Arrive late to the race

During the Race:
-Realize one shoe was untied and be too afraid of loosing pace to stop
-Be sort of thirsty but be afraid to stop
-Try to run while drinking Gatorade and pour a good slosh on your face, breathe a bunch into your lungs but try to keep running
-Be afraid to stop even if you know walking for a minute or so will give you a spring in your step

Post Race:
-Decline beer, pizza, massage
-Wander around trying to find a place to break the $20 to get bus fare.
-Go out instead of going home, showering, and icing quads.

I didn’t do everything wrong, however. Given that I powered through cramps, hydrated well enough, and finished strong (knowing that I pushed myself and kept running), I’m quite proud of myself. This was my first half marathon. I think I might try for another.

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