Autism, but not the good kind

Sometimes I can’t even handle going to a new restaurant and the uncertainty that comes along with that, so I buy a Groupon and make myself. Anxiety is why the Sigma Six principle works and chains like Starbucks and Potbelly are so successful- everyone knows what to expect, and there’s no uncertainty, and you can consume peacefully.

Hand sanitizer lady was at the restaurant, only it was a guy obsessed with soda. That I was drinking. Only I couldn’t escape to the back of the bus. Is is rude to ignore a retarded person who smells? With people who are a little crazy, sometimes it’s better to not acknowledge them or initiate contact, because then you’re stuck trying to fill their human interaction quotient they’re desperately low on because everyone else doesn’t know how to interact with them. The dude’s brother who worked there said “Okay, relax” quite a few times because the guy couldn’t stop talking about caffeine and how he couldn’t have any because of his medication.

This guy had the kind of autism that gives him a perfect, photographic memory that doesn’t fade with time. This is why his brother really does his best to shield him from anything bad that might happen, and always interacts with him in a loving way. I’m really glad the brother was there to diffuse the awkwardness between hand sanitizer dude and me.

Yet being able to handle anxiety or uncertainty, adapting to changing situations, and knowing how to interact with people (emotional intelligence) is essential to do anything. Some of my friends don’t even seen to notice that anxiety even exists and they plow through life with apblomb. Some are paralyzed and don’t seen to notice that they’re hobbled as they mince through life.

I hate it when I get invited to a party where I’m sure I’ll meet interesting people, see some inspiring art, and find new opportunities. I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it together and not freak out and hide in a coat room. This is something I’m working on. Because I don’t have a photographic memory. Or autism. Maybe a touch of Aspberger’s. But brain chemistry is changeable. So I’ve got to keep going to parties. So I will learn to get used to uncertainty and hand sanitizer and press on.

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