List of Things that I Hate

Sometimes, I like to take a break from solving problems to focus on things that don’t matter. So here’s a list of things I hate:

1. Apostrophe misuse: Why do people think an apostrophe “S” pluralizes things? It’s wrong. It is wrong. Its wrongness vexes me.

2. High heels with backpacks: If you’re wearing a backpack, you’re a packmule. If you’re wearing high heels, your life is one of ease where you don’t have to walk very far. To walk in high heels and make it look good, you throw your shoulders back proudly. In a backpack, you have to throw your shoulders forward into the straps to lug your load.

3. Ill behaved children: Your children are bad enough at home, why share your failure at parenting with the rest of the world?

4. Apple snobs: Paying that much for something I can’t afford makes me jealous. And the smugness I assign to every Mac user or wanna be creative type that I also am makes blind with rage and almost blind to my own hypocrisy.

5. Gel pens you can’t write with smoothly: The promise of brilliant, smooth color harshly broken. What’s the point of you?

6. Gay people hating on straight people and baseball caps: Stereotyping is what got us into this mess.

7. People whose biggest hobby is drinking: when I go out for a drink, I go out on Monday or Tuesday, because that is not when the amateurs go. And I want it to matter. Because going out is hard because there’re all these people around.

8. People who say they can’t do stuff because they don’t have money or time: Usually what they’re talking about doing doesn’t depend on money or time, but having money or time is code for being powerful and they feel powerless. I know someone who wants to ‘be a writer’ but doesn’t have money or time, so he can’t. Money and time don’t have to do with it. Because he only works at his job for 8 hours per day, and there are 24 hours in a day.

9. White sauces or condiments: Mayonnaise, cream cheese, sour cream, alfredo sauce, ranch dressing- all of these remind me of meaningless consumption, fat, and oversized, slovenly, lazy, disgusting ways of being.

This is the beginning.

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