I only have one job now. What a weird lifestyle. Getting up at the same time every day to go to the same place. Yet it doesn’t feel limiting. I don’t feel like a drone. I actually feel as though I have more control over my life; I’ve outsourced the decision about what my working hours will be to my employer and thus can focus on more important things.
In my freelancing slash contractor days, I would maybe have the morning off, but get home late late at night. Maybe a nice three hour break in the middle of the day, but have to be up early and get home late. Or sometimes I’d just have a gig in the afternoon. I tried writing down my schedule in a paper planner to feel like I had some control over my schedule, but then I’d be asked to come in earlier or later, or I’d pick up a gig because I don’t know when I’ll be offered opportunities so I would say yes. Saying no to a gig felt like saying yes to laziness and yes to Poverty.
But really, I was trying to do too much, and wound up not being able to give my all to the things I was doing. I kept saying yes to others’ priorities. I could have made other choices, but I was so afraid opportunities would dry up and I’d be poor again. Focusing on the fear and not my own resourcefulness was a mistake that kept me in that situation for too long.
New job makes me so, so happy. I’m so glad I made the choice to give up my frenetic freelancing pace of running around the city constantly. I really, really don’t feel like a drone at the new job. Every day I find something new to learn. I’ve only been at the new job 3 weeks so far, but my brain has reconfigured itself to handle all the new knowledge.
Part of me still can’t believe I only have one job. Putting all my eggs in one basket makes me feel a little uneasy, but the advantage of being able to focus on one job is such a relief. And such a risk. I really can’t screw up. Time will tell.